-you smell different when you’re awake
-please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
-you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
-your hair tastes like strawberries
-he knows, don’t go home.
-I always knew you would die in my arms
-every time I poop I think of you
-no one will ever believe you
-I killed mufasa
-I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
-mother told me it would be like this
who is she
i think i can accurately say that i can crush a man’s head with my thighs
When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??
i wish people had crushes on me
|—||Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves (via larmoyante)|
baby baby baby
This literally just crushed me.
I WILL NEVER MAKE ANOTHER GRUMPY CAT JOKE AS LONG AS I LIVE
mother of god, we have all done a sin
Its like an animal abuse commercial
person: chris watch out! youre about to get your crocs wet!
me: I KNOW! its OK! crocs are made from a foam resin called croslite, which is made out of a polymer called ethylene-vinyl acetate! so theyre completely water proof!
it must get annoying living in the south with all those banjos constantly playing
visiting Yahoo Answers instead of a doctor
when someone suprises you with a picture and you actually look good